The Struggle is Real

I have always struggled with what my time with Jesus looks like on a daily basis. I have so many friends that wake up super early, get their prayer/devotion time in, work out, shower and then go about their day. I was like man that sounds like something I would love to do - get everything done early and then have the rest of my day to be productive as a mother and wife.

Well let me tell you something - I tried that 5am wake up and held fast to that for a while but guess what, it started turning into a routine, a ritual that I would complete. I felt like a zombie at that time of the day, no matter what time I went to to bed. I didn't feel like I was giving Jesus my best and doesn't he deserve that? YES! More than anything else in my daily routine, that time with Jesus was the most important.

I felt defeated. I felt condemned and I knew that those feelings were not from God. I knew that they were my own feelings because I wasn't starting my day out like so many friends of mine were. So like I said up there, I struggled and I struggled. I went weeks without opening my Bible. I went days without talking to Jesus. My daily routine was just so busy that I didn't feel I could fit him in. I felt like if I couldn't give him the hour he deserved then why would he want my 10 minutes of quiet time.

Then I read the words of Priscilla Shirer

" Although my goal is to be alone with God every day, the demands of my season of life often interrupts my intentions. This inability to master my quiet time burdened me with an immense amount of guilt during my first years of mothering. I always felt "heavy" with condemnation that I wasn't spending enough time with God. It seemed to me that if I couldn't get an hour in then 10-15 minutes wasn't worth it."

Wait, what? This amazing published author and speaker, who us as women put on a pedestal, struggles to find time during her day? It made me feel some what better to know that I was not alone in this! Other women struggled too! Haha! Not that that made me happy to see them struggling but it made me feel less like a failure in this daily walk.

So us women, whether we work outside the home or stay at home with our babies, we are busy! We get caught up in the every day hustle and forget that our time with him is so very important. I have learned that getting up that early is not what I am supposed to do. I believe that he wants me to spend time throughout the day, not at just a specific time! I have learned that writing scriptures on my bathroom mirror, on a sticky note in my car or on my locked screen on my phone and mediating on those brings me closer to Jesus daily. I surround myself with the Word. I worship while I fold clothes, clean dishes, drive, etc. I make it a point to spend time with Him throughout every hour of my day - just letting him know that I love him and thank him for all the things he has blessed us with and continues to bless us with. He is my father and if I can't have a conversation with him, then who can I talk to?

So take this as some encouragement. I struggle and I know many of us do but each one of us are different. My worship time won't be like yours or yours like mine! So just spend time with him through out the day.

AND I have realized that the best time for me to sit down, read and journal to him is after the kids get on the bus in the morning. If I try before that he isn't getting my best, he is getting my seconds. So do what works for you. He deserves our best loves!

What my morning looks like! I found this amazing prayer journal online. It is the best thing ever. After my devotion I sit and journal and listen to worship music. 

Book: "Quieting Your Heart: 6-month Bible-Study Journal"

Darlene Schacht